Queer Rejection and the Art of Saying No
Last Saturday, I had one of those episodes where I simply couldn’t say “no”. Not because I wanted to say “yes”, but because I felt sorry for someone. If you’ve ever been caught in that awkward dance of pity-agreement, you know exactly what I mean. It’s like agreeing to go to a party you don’t want to attend, only to spend the whole night pretending to enjoy lukewarm beer and bad techno remixes.
Living With Rejection (and Ghosting)
As a queer person, rejection has been a recurring theme in my life. I’ve been ghosted, sidelined, and pushed away more times than I can count. Sometimes it feels like rejection follows me around like an uninvited guest at Pride—always showing up, always reminding me of the past.
In my younger years, I craved attention like it was oxygen. I wanted validation, affection, and connection. Sometimes I got it, but often people disappeared without explanation. Ghosting wasn’t just a dating app phenomenon—it was happening in friendships, in community spaces, even in moments where I thought I belonged.
The Party That Never Was
I remember once being invited to a queer house party. I showed up with my best outfit—sequined jacket, eyeliner sharp enough to cut glass—and halfway through the night, the host disappeared with their crush. Suddenly, I was left standing in the kitchen, holding a plastic cup of cheap wine, wondering if I should just start doing the dishes to feel useful. That’s rejection in action: subtle, quiet, but sharp enough to sting.
Lessons From Rejection
Here’s the twist: rejection isn’t just pain. It’s also a teacher. Some of my friends tell me that the very rejections that hurt them most are the ones that taught them how to say “no”.
- Boundaries matter. If you don’t want to do something, don’t do it.
- Attention isn’t the same as affection. Craving validation often leads us into situations where we compromise ourselves.
- Ghosting teaches resilience. Being pushed aside forces us to build inner strength and find communities that truly value us.
Adding Humor to the Hurt
Rejection can feel heavy, but humor lightens the load. Think of it this way: every time someone ghosts you, you’ve just saved yourself from wasting time on someone who doesn’t even know how to communicate. That’s not rejection—it’s divine queer intervention.
Or as I like to joke: “If they ghost me, I’ll just haunt them back”. 👻
Why This Matters for Queer Folks
Queer rejection isn’t just about dating—it’s about belonging. Many of us grow up craving acceptance, only to face rejection from family, friends, or society. Learning to say “no” is a radical act of self-love. It’s how we reclaim our power, protect our energy, and build communities that celebrate us instead of sidelining us.
