The Bad Day That Turned Into Healing
A Heavy Friday
I remember that Friday as if it were yesterday. From the moment I stood up, I knew it was not my day. My body felt distant, my head heavier than ever. The voices in my mind were loud, refusing to leave. Every step carried sorrow and internal pain.
Choosing to Speak
Usually, I stay quiet when I go through periods like that. But this time, I decided to speak. I called Toby and explained that I needed a friendly face. He came on short notice, standing at my door with his backpack.
“Come on, let’s get wild,” he said with a smile.
“Where are we going? Should I dress up?”
“No, let’s just walk. It’s too early for dressing up—you queen.”
Walking Into Nature
We walked and walked, listening to the sounds and colors of nature. Toby suggested silence, and we honored it. Eventually, we reached a hill overlooking our city.
“Now shout,” Toby said. “Shout at anyone who disrespects you. Shout at anything that makes you nervous or crazy.”
He started first, and I followed. For ten minutes we shouted unarticulated voices into the air. Looking at the city, I thought about how it sometimes condemns me, yet other times gives me strength and purpose to live.
Tears, Cocoa, and a Kiss
At the end, Toby hugged me, and we shared tears. I felt lighter. He spread a blanket on the ground, pulled out a thermos, and poured hot cocoa into two cups. I thought it was alcohol, but he laughed at my surprise.
“You thought it was brandy, didn’t you?”
We smiled, sipped cocoa, and enjoyed the view. Then he kissed me. I will never forget that warm cocoa kiss over my anxiety.
Queer Resilience
Like every queer soul fighting anxiety, we turned pain into passion. It was hot, relieving, and unforgettable. I don’t know how I deserved Toby’s friendship, but I wish every queer person could have someone like him—a friend who brings comfort, resilience, and love on the hardest days.
